As days go by...

You know what sucks? Cutting people out of your life you thought were never gonna leave. I have never ever had to do that before, but I had to do it recently. I had this intense internal struggle because I was like "okay this doesn't feel christ like, I feel like I'm holding a grudge" but at the same time, why keep someone around who doesn't want you there? And I wouldn't call it quitting, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I honestly still don't know the best way to handle this situation, but for now having no contact seems to be the best solution. It just hurts a little...okay a lot. Its so hard to not feel anger and think bad thoughts, but every time they pop up I just think "okay this isn't helping anything you're just makin' yourself look bad." Everything is fine, everything happens for a reason, everything will work out in the end.

Today in Relief Society we had such an AMAZING lesson. Since a new year is fast approaching we talked about ways we could improve our "thoughts, actions and words". It really got me thinking about resolutions I actually WILL keep this coming year. And they won't be the generic "oh I'm gonna work out more" (which isn't bad) but I was thinking more along the lines of "use less sarcasm, say kinder things" that kind of dealio...

And start acting more like myself here in Provo. The last few days I've been asked by a lot of people how I've felt since coming to Provo and to be honest I didn't have a lot of good things to say. I kept saying I don't feel like myself and that I don't really feel like I'm connecting to anyone. And you know the answer I got back almost every time? "Why don't you do something about it then?" At first I was like "its not me, its the place!" but then I realized I'M the one holding myself back. I'm the one caring too much about what people might think about me. I'm the one not letting myself make connection with awesome people who could be potential life long friends/my eternal companion. This wasn't me being super self critical, this was just a sudden revelation. There's not much I can do since its finals week and everyone is holed up in their places studying...but I feel like once I go home for two weeks I'll be nice and refreshed to start next semester off as ME, not this weird shy person I've been.

Anyways other than going to Church, this was the highlight of my day:

I love snakes! I want one soooo bad now, the only thing holding me back is having to feed them live cute miceys and rats :/

Alright week, get ready to get rocked. 4 finals to study for/take, an apartment to clean for housing checks and basketball guys to worry about passing their classes...No big deal! It'll get done!

4 days until I get to see home!